Why Don’t Guys Ask Me Out? | Christian Dating Advice


Hey girls! Tiffany dawn here, and I have pulled my hubby James back into this video He's so kind

He's on his lunch break for work right now, eating and I asked him if he would just kind of chat with us So um basically this video is for girls like me, who when I was in high school and college, I had these- and most of my 20s- I had these like three questions: Number one, why am I still single? Number two, why doesn't anybody ask me out? And number three, why doesn't anybody like me? And I just felt kind of like left out, like all my girlfriends— Do you mean by guys, right? Oh yeah Sometimes people say that, but what they really mean is the guys that I think I like, don't like me back Right, exactly So we're gonna talk about that

Today I have four tips for you, and James is gonna add his two cents in, and these four tips are just things that can maybe help, like if you're kind of feeling stuck, like nobody's–no guys are interested in you, these are four things that you can try that might actually help So tip number one is be open, like be friendly I realized that I kind of was just walking around with this like stone cold face toward guys And really I was so scared of rejection that I– like if I liked a guy, there was no way I was gonna let him know I was interested by my actions, because I was so scared of being rejected and I just couldn't handle that And so I just kind of was mean or like cold toward them

And I remember like in later years actually, this guy who I'd actually liked back then, we'd gotten reconnected And as we were talking, he was like, "ou know I almost asked you out back then," or, "I wanted to ask you out back then" And I was like, "What? Why didn't you?" And he goes, "I didn't think there was any chance you'd say yes, based on like how you treated me" I was like, Ohhh That's such a good story I feel like this happens all the time between guys and girls and it's kind of like this emotional game of chicken It's like, "Well I I would like to ask her out but I really don't want to be rejected so I'm just gonna like observe and maybe I can like see the signs if she likes me" Yeah it takes a lot for a guy to like, to ask a girl out

Guys hear stories about rejections, guys have probably been rejected a couple times, like we're scared So the friendlier you can be, the easier it's gonna be for us to be like, talking to her, talking to her, and, "Do you want to gout for ice cream?" You sort of have to like squeeze it out Yeah I don't think girls realize that enough, like how scary it is for guys, because like guys seem like they have no emotion sometimes That's not true; we just don't know how to express it Yeah so I think that's really important to know

And I found like the more approachable we can be in our demeanor– like even ask some of your honest friends, "How do I come across to strangers or to guys? Like am I coming across like the mean person, or am I like smiling and like open to talking with them, and like easier to talk to?" — I think that just makes it a whole lot easier for a guy to work up the courage to ask you out Yes okay yes So tip number two is expand your horizons a little bit So I always had like this certain kind of guy that I wanted to go out with I like I wanted to go out with a guy who was six feet tall — not a James look-alike by the way

Well in some ways; I mean you have dark hair and dark eyes which I wanted, and like tan-ish or olive skin, you know, but you're not 6'3", which is what I wanted Nope It'd be nice if I was Well it's kind of nice that you're not, because like guys I dated who were over six foot tall, like trying to kiss them was like — it put a kink in my neck That's why you go to the chiropractor so much now! It makes sense! And I wanted him to play guitar — nope — and be a worship leader and like a youth leader and stuff like that, so I definitely was looking for like this very specific type of guy

When I was in my 20s, I was like: Wow I'm going to all these different events and I'm meeting all these different guys and I keep coming home and saying there's no good guys out there But what I'm really saying is there's no good guys who are 6'3" and play guitar and lead worship And that might have been true that there were no single ones left But like I was way too narrow in my focus and I really needed to expand my horizons But I think it's easy to like narrow our options so much and be looking for something so particular that we pass by amazing guys

Now it's important to be attracted to the person, absolutely, but like you can be attracted to more than one type of person Mm-hmm That is true And I know even one of my one of my friends who's single is, I think most people would agree, is a pretty attractive human being And all of Tiffany's friends want to meet him

That's so true But they don't know him at all! They just see his picture on social media and they're like, "Yeah! We want to meet him!" But they really, they have no idea what he's like Yea, like it's very shallow Like guys do the same thing But like, you can't– you're not truly gonna be attracted to someone until you know them

Personal interaction is so important It's important for girls to realize too, like we get frustrated with guys because we're like, "Why do you guys just go after the cute, popular girls? Like it's not fair, why isn't anyone interested in me?" But girls we do the same thing to guys so many times! Well I think every person is sort of inclined to do that on some level That's true And it's just something to be like really careful about and just aware of I realized I didn't even notice other guys in the room if they didn't meet my mold and I had to open my eyes and literally like open my peripheral vision to be able to notice these other guys, and even get to know them

And I'm so glad I did because I really like being married to him Yeah Still can't play guitar Tip number three is like go out in places where you can kind of meet more people Different kinds of people, yeah

Like get involved in different circles Because I think it's really easy to just like want to spend all your time- fill it all with girls nights And that's fine, but if that's all you do with your time, where do you expect to meet guys? Yeah Or get to know guys We do not attend girls nights Yeah

That's true You have man cave nights I'm always like, "Where are all the guys?" They're all together, all the good guys If you find one, there's a pack of them! I'm like convinced of it But yeah there is some truth to that

So I think it's important to like actually like get to know different people, like hang out with friends from work, hang out with from church, hang out with friends from school, and just like, you know, bring a girlfriend with you and go and just join them, and get to know new people and other circles And kind of – I don't know – it also expands your horizon Try to make – try to regularly meet new people Many of them you won't connect with and that's totally fine, but you'll probably end up making some new friends Yeah and that can be really scary for someone who isn't an extrovert

Like James is 100% extroverted I'm not "Whoo, new people!" Yeah for real though It's like the Energizer Bunny But for me like I don't love just meeting new people all the time; it's super draining and nerve-wracking

But if you plan for it Yes And you don't do it super regularly, and you just do it like once every other week And if it has like structure So like I would join – I remember joining this Bible study for a while and it was like with a different church and I had a couple of friends who went, so I went

And I was very clear, like I'm only here for this session, and I was very honest with myself and with my friends: I was only there to meet any cute guys there I shouldn't say just cute It was true at the time But to meet guys, I should have – I should have been just guys – yeah And then tip number four is a surprising one, which is: you can ask the guy out

That's totally fine We are fine with that I speak for the entire male race Not really, but sort of You know it's a great if a girl asks you out

If she like doesn't say, "Would you like to go on a date with me," but more like, "Hey you do want to like study sometime or do you want to get some coffee," you know You're like, "Oh they do like me!" It's great It's like a less subtle clue that they can start to pick up on Yeah, yes, we don't do subtle Yeah I definitely speak for the male race there

And I think some sometimes girls get kind of hung up on the idea of, "But the guy has to pursue me" Yeah but being pursued is like something you see over a period of time, like months Like if you look back over the last four months and you don't feel like you're being pursued, that's one thing Who asks who on the first date? Not a big deal Yeah and really like I think both people should also be pursuing each other

Excuse me as I'm hiccuping If only one person is pursuing, even if it is the guys, that's gonna be a miserable relationship So those are our four tips In closing, let me just say, like, girls if you feel this way, there are so many girls who feel this way I want you to know you're not alone

And guys – yeah – on a serious note Cause like I think I think it's easy to think we're the only ones left Like I'm the only one who's never been asked out, and the only one who's never had a boyfriend, like what's wrong with me? And you're not the only one There are so many girls who feel that way and I personally know like several of them, and they're amazing girls and they are in that same place And it's tempting to ask like, "What am I doing wrong?" And I think if you're doing these four tips and you're open to, you know, what God has for you, and not kind of hiding in fear, I think you're fine

And also that like, your worth can't come from guys, which sounds so cheesy and church talk-y, but like truly, it's real Like even being married I always thought you know being married, like then I'll have this husband who like helps me find all my worth and he like loves me so much And even though James is a wonderful husband and does love me so much, like when I try to look to him for my sense of like worth and who I am, it like falls short Like he cannot give that to me I have to find that in God

And I know that it's hard to hear when you're single cause you're like, yeah but it's easier at least when you're married And yeah it's nice to be married and I love that like affirmation from him, but we – at the core it cannot fill any part, any void in me And so I think like right now, like finding that in Christ is huge, even though it sounds really cheesy, it's huge Yeah and I think all of us are sort of on different timelines and no one timeline is better or worse than another You know sometimes we think, "It'd be so cool to marry someone, you know, your highschool sweetheart!" And that is wonderful

But also for people like Tiffany and I who met in our late 20s, it's been wonderful for us too And we think, "If we dated in high school, we would have fought for like ten years!" We would not have even lasted a day And like we got to have so many adventures in the meantime, like you got to travel around South America for a year and like build a tree house air B&B kind of thing and like go on like work on a sheep farm in Patagonia and like all that And Tiffany got to travel and tour, and you know that yeah, you know we just had amazing experiences in our single years with God So I just want to encourage you like, don't feel like you're being left out, even though it feels like that sometimes

um I really think that this season can also be a gift even though it's hard So I have some videos linked down below about that One is what I wish I knew when I was single, and one is to all the single girls, and they kind of share my own experiences more with this So girls I hope that those four tips can help in some way, and that this can encourage you Comment down below if there's anything you would add to this list and we will see you again soon

Love you girls! Bye Bye

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