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Callin’ Collin: Dating Advice

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♪♪ ♪♪ I'm Collin I'm 11

I wrote an advice column for my school, and it must've been good because now I have a podcast and the rest is history as they say and such You're watching "Callin' Collin" Let's do this [bad beatboxing] Hey, you called "Callin' Collin" What's up what's up? Uh, hi Collin

Love the show Thank you very much, sir Well I called because I just found out I'm the only girl in my class who didn't pass the bar exam Do you think I should try again, or– Wait Are you a girl? Um, yeah

Whoa, whoa Has anyone ever told you that you have major man-voice before? Not really, no Okay Forget everything about your other problems and just focus on this You sound like a full dude

Really, I don't think I do Take it from me If my voice sounded like yours, I would be out of the woods on puberty and I am not I am furious about it all the time Yeah

My mom says that I might bloom late I don't– I don't like it when she says that Hello? Look, I'm not sure that this really matters, so– What do you look like? I don't know, normal? I've always focused more on my personality and intelligence– could we get back to– [click] I can't help her No one can Okay

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[bad beatboxing] You called "Callin' Collin," what's up, what's up? Hey Collin, so I have this big crush on a woman that I work with How do I get her to notice me? Caller, okay, as my kind-of-scary grandfather always says, "women are rare, weak flowers," uh, and I'll have you know that I once dated a girl for 325 weeks, so you came to the right place Let me ask you this Have you tried writing her a note or never looking directly at her? Uh, yeah? I mean I've emailed her, it's just like I'm invisible though

Okay, then listen to me I think your best option here is to get so fat that she literally cannot ignore your physical presence Like if you could get it so that some of your new body is flopping onto her desk a little bit, then I think you're in Well Like just eat all of your feelings of love for her until she can't not notice you, you know, because your belly is touching her pens I'm not sure that'd be healthy Well, again, as my grandfather says, "Shut your hole unless you're dying" What? He says it sometimes when I cry but I don't do that a lot

Okay cool Bye And that's all the time we have for today Can't wait to get back to class with my five-compartment JanSport backpack that comes in seven different shades and patterns Hooray! [squeak] Ugh

Stupid thing ♪♪ Hey friends, thanks so much for watching that sketch Make sure to like the sketch and to subscribe to our channel and comment below about a time when you got some bad advice Like one time, someone told me that it was normal to eat salad with your hands on a bus It's not

But I did it

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